As women, it can be easy to look up to women we deem as admirable and inspirational. Unfortunately, though, sometimes the women we look up to let us down. It could be something they said or did that totally takes us off guard. Suddenly, the pedestal we placed them under them disappears. We can feel discouraged, sad, or even angry. We forget or don’t realize that the women we look up to are flawed and faulty like us, even if these women do a lot to maintain an image of perfection.
What Happens When the Women We Look Up To Let Us Down
The moment start looking up to another woman and put them on a pedestal, we need to pause. Because that means we are making them superior in our minds, and us inferior. We may start creating ideas about them, that are untrue.
For example: You see a woman who is leading a large women’s health movement. You associate her with a woman who supports women. You start looking up to her. However, in podcasts and interviews, you notice that she can be somewhat aggressive. She acted disparagingly towards women, even defensive with some of the questions she was asked. Suddenly, you are struck by the reality of her words and who she is. She is not the respectful, women-supporting-leader you assumed she would be. You are left hurt and confused. You realize you can’t look up to her – you wanted to look up to a woman who supports all women.
It can be troubling to see a woman you once looked up to break your heart because of something she said or did. But this is unfortunately a reality in life. Sometimes women do a good job maintaining a specific image of themselves, but then eventually says or does something that destroys it.
Or you finally meet the woman you looked up to in person and suddenly see more aspects of them that shock you. Therefore, we need to be careful not to assume who people are just through the small crafted moments we see of them, online or in person. We cannot completely know a person until we have spent a lot of time with them in physical reality.
The moment we get sucked into our mind’s imagination about a person, building ideas and beliefs about them, without truly understanding and knowing them, we need to snap out of it.
Especially if we get too sucked into the images and perceptions on social media or the internet. People can create a false personality or image of themselves that make people believe that is who they are. Instead, we need to be more physical-reality based, limiting our internet and social media usage and sticking to more social interactions and activities off-line.
Becoming the Woman You Want to Look Up to
When we start looking up to another women, we need to pause and identify what it is about them that seems special – untouchable even. It could be that they are leaders of a business or political movement, or doing something brave and admirable.
But we need to be careful if we associate their wonderful business or movement with certain ideas of them. That if they are doing this, that means they are (insert label or definition). Especially if we don’t honestly know them, but only see them through screens and online.
Because let me tell you, over time, what we think we know about someone will be challenged. Life will show us who a person really is – all different aspects of them. And we will be challenged about what we believed in our minds about them.
Trap of Illusion – Let’s Get Back to Reality
We must be cautious of falling into the trap of expecting women we look up to to be perfect, or unflawed human beings – because we will always end up disappointed. Instead, we should utilize the gifts and characteristics they show us.
Maybe it’s that they take really good care of their body, working out and eating clean regularly. Some of us may think that it’s impossible to do that, so we sit back and admire the woman. Maybe we develop a jealousy toward them, But continue to follow them. The good news is that we can implement small things, and start slowly to develop a new skill or lifestyle.
Therefore, we can extract what we deem as special, inspirational or admirable from another woman, and apply it to our own lives.
No 100% Pure Good Woman
No woman on Earth is 100% pure and good. We have a lot to learn and grow from, which means we haven’t reached our potential yet as a species. Everyone here has stuff to work through. Everyone, no matter how good they seem or present themselves, is not 100% perfect.
Yet when it comes to flaws and weaknesses, some women are uncomfortable working on it. Especially the ones we look up to – they could become stubborn, difficult, or defensive when confronted about it. Many women have a hard time taking in information that challenges ideas about themselves. Some women have strong ‘I am this’ beliefs, but may run into a person or situation that challenges that. That’s why we shouldn’t have set definitions of ourselves like ‘’I am shy,’’ because we could either be trapping ourselves in that belief, or using it to control and manipulate our environment.
As humans, we are constantly growing and evolving. We may literally be a different person in 6 months because of all the life events and circumstances we have to go through.
Additionally, we must also be cautious of people who point out or suggest we have a problem or blind spot, as a way to manipulate us. These are people who like to give us labels and definitions to put us down or make us doubt ourselves. We need to know ourselves well enough, so if someone brings up a problem they think they see in us, we can assess and genuinely see if there is a truth there.
Being The Woman We Look Up To
Generally, it would be great if older women were women that younger women could feel safe and comfortable going to in times of need. However, we don’t have many of these women in our world, mainly due to a lack of trust and dysfunction of our current system.
That is why we must first rely on and support ourselves, ensuring we are emotionally and physically stable. If not, we must find individuals who can help, and be there for us. It’s very tricky, and you have to use a lot of discernment to vet people and resources.
It’s not a perfect world, but if you take care of yourself and know you’ll be there for yourself at the end of the day, that’s what matters. No matter what happens, you have yourself to fall back on. You are your number one cheerleader and supporter.
Let’s stop idolizing women, but instead be grateful for the people we encounter who show us new aspects and ways of life we can implement for ourselves.
Photo by Mili K