Many women who own a business or brand use networking and connecting with fellow women business owners to learn how to succeed, a common practice in the business world. The only problem comes in when women present a front by saying they want to ‘make friends,’ but ‘’making friends’’ is really about making a brand. They want to extract ideas and inspiration from you that they can use for their business or brand. There is no actual intent to create a deep, lasting, personal friendship. So you are being tricked if you believe they genuinely want to connect and be your friend, which is something more personal and deeper.
The Friendship Problem
There is a women’s group in the city near me where the founders claim they made it to ‘’make friends.’’ But their entire group holds events for women business owners, and to network professionally. There are no events or resources simply for making friends in the city. Their space is truly not about making friends, but making connections with other professional women to help advance their business or brand. It’s important to align your words with what your community is, to avoid confusing people.
It’s almost impossible to make genuine friendships in a business environment. Being friends goes a lot deeper; being a business partner or supporter is something more specific and beneficial if you are a business owner waiting to expand and learn.
True Friendship vs. a Business Connection
A friend is when you’re with someone who is like you. You both enjoy being in each other’s company. The person fulfills something in you, and you with them. You have developed a close enough relationship with each other where you know if something is off. Ideally, you are there for each other when things get tough. You give each other advice and provide company. Transitions like boyfriends, marriage, and babies happen, but you love each other and the friendship so much that you grow through those things together.
Often, it is the transitions that break people apart. Because life changes, people change. And sometimes a natural drift away does happen because the person you once were is different and no longer aligns with your friend. Seperating from a friendship due to a life event or transition is a sad part of life, but it happens. It is even harder if it’s an unrequited friendship, where one friend wants to continue the friendship but the other is unwilling to reciprocate.
Can a friend support your business? Yes, of course. Can a friend work for your business? Yes, but then your friend becomes an employee or co-founder, etc, and this is where things get tricky.
A business or professional connection is someone who is connected to your business in some way: As a fellow business worker, supporter, or even a competitor. It is tough to find a real friend in the business industry. You never know if they will steal your ideas or become your competitor. Or if your business fails, they may stop talking to you. Money changes people, and when business is involved, money is involved.
You can’t trust people in business. When women CEOs and founders want to be your friend, there is usually something they want to get out of you, to help their business. Not everyone may be like that, but there’s a big chance they do. In this day and age, you have to prepare and not trust people. When people say ‘’I’d love to pick your brain,’’ it’s because they want to pick out whatever intelligent business strategy and inspiration you have and use it for themselves. It’s not bad, but the reality of how people work in the system is.
Business connections are different from friendships – there are business transactions involved, hidden and not so hidden. It is fine if you want to connect with women business owners to learn and get inspiration, but if you wish to have a genuine friendship, you have to go to another space where business is not involved.
Self-Awareness in Business and Friendship
It is very difficult for a friendship to stay a true friendship when one or both friends work together. For example, if two friends become co-founders, or a friend becomes an employee of the other friend who is a business owner.
A business is about money, which is tied to our survival. If something happens financially, this can bring out aspects of oneself that can negatively affect a friendship. Or, if the business succeeds and money gets to their head, that becomes problematic too.
As you can see, self-awareness is key here. You need to be honest that when you involve your friend in your business, things are going to change. Money in the company will bring out aspects of yourself and them that you need to work through, especially if you want to preserve the friendship.
But sometimes business becomes more important than friendship. When one person prioritizes the business over the friendship, there has to be a discussion on how both friends can move forward in emotional stability and to make sure the relationship is healthy.
The relationship has to be healthy for both friends to thrive in a business. Because a relationship involves at least two people, everyone is equally important. Everyone has to work on themselves to preserve friendships while in business.
But many people do not have the time, desire, or tools to create a healthy, stable relationship with friends in the workplace. Life is unpredictable at times because people, money, and the system are unpredictable. If the friendship has a solid foundation because both friends are putting effort into making it work, then it’s possible you can get through a lot together in this chaotic world.
You and Your Friend as Co-Founders
If you and your friend want to start a business together, you need to be aware that this is going to be a big journey that will require a lot of strength from both of you. Strength that you will work on yourselves and the business to keep things as stable as possible. A written contract should be in place in case a falling out happens. You want to be protected, no matter what happens.
Remember, money changes people. You may think you are fine and cool in the beginning of the business, but then something could happen in the future that will change you, or your friend. You need to think of as many situations as you can legally and emotionally encounter, and how you will handle all of them. If your friendship is sacred, you both need to put that in writing to refer to it during your journey. A statement that you will work on yourselves, and keep your friendship as stable as possible, as you manage this new business journey together.
It is challenging to keep a friendship intact while running a business, but it is possible. Both people need to make sure their core foundation of a friendship, of themselves, is intact. And if not, there should be a healthy game plan of how to proceed when the friendship turns into a business relationship, to make sure everyone’s rights, finances, and mental health are protected. You don’t want your precious friendship to have a terrible ending!
Setting the Line – Friendship or Business Relationship?
It’s important to figure out who is a true friend and who is a business relationship. You need to decide if you genuinely want a friend; this means there is no connection to your business (they are outside your business).
But you may ask: What if your friend does inspire you? Her idea inspires you to add something to your business? And you implement it and it works? Should she get compensated for that?
These are difficult questions. If your friend did give you an idea that you implemented successfully for your business, compensation should happen where the friend is satisfied. One should never take advantage of a friend, because you wouldn’t want that done to you.
Categorizing Relationships
It’s sad how hard it is to find genuine people who want a friendship. Usually, there is something hidden involved that is self-serving. Social media has made it harder to find people who won’t use you for their brand.
That’s why when you encounter people, you need to distinguish for yourself what sort of relationship this is: acquaintance, friend/potential friend, classmate, business connector, etc.
Because we have a hard time categorizing people, relationships can get messy. One person can have a few categories, such as a classmate who is also a friend. Or an acquaintance is also a business connection. But it’s important to start seeing who is who in your life, and determine how you would like to create/shape this relationship in your life, and where your boundaries are with certain people. This is something you learn and test over time.
Protect Your Energy in Business
Your mental health is just as important as the health and financial stability of your business.
So when you involve yourself with any person in business, you always have to put a guard up. You always have to protect your energy and be a bit cold for things to work.
As a woman, this is hard because in the current system, we have to utilize masculine energy, and to be ‘more like a man’, sometimes to get the business moving. We have to master business social skills and practice healthy boundaries so our personal lives don’t mix with our business life.
We women need to stop using the term ‘making friends’ as a disguise for making connections to build our business or brand. Instead, we should change our vocabulary to be more honest and aligned with what we truly need and want. That way, there will be less deception and more authenticity. Seeking or wanting to make friends is something different and more profound than having to do with business.
Photo by Velik Ho