I was watching a live stream online the other day, and the female host met up with a friend. As the two women were talking, the friend said, “It’s my birthday today… I am 38.” She was not 38 – she was a senior citizen – but I understood what she meant. She was making a joke, making light of the fact that she wasn’t turning 38 but wished she was. She was a woman, covering up her real age with humor.
The situation made me reflect on how we, as women, do this – the older we get, the more we joke and lie about being a much younger age. Yet I do believe that there are hidden issues pertaining to doing this, even if it’s meant as a joke.
Why Women Joke and Lie About Their Age the Older They Get?
There is a behavior in people, but particularly in women, that the older we get, the more common it is to cover up our real age by ‘joking’ and providing a younger age.
Perhaps it is an age you wish you were. For example, you’re turning 40, but say “I’m turning 25.”
Though I get it. It can be challenging to face the reality of aging, and all that comes with it – including the fact that we cannot live forever. So, it’s understandable that, even for a moment, lying and joking about our age in front of others can bring a sense of comfort.
But it does send a message internally: I am not comfortable sharing my age because I have a problem with it.
Because if we didn’t have a problem sharing our age, we would share it, right?
Problems Women Have by Covering Up Their Real Age with Humor
Some reasons we as women can have problems about sharing our true age:
- You have a hard time revealing the age because saying it out loud confirms it, and that makes you uncomfortable
- You have labels or definitions of what a person is when they are a certain age and you are afraid of being that (ex: “being 65 means I’m ugly and invisible to society”)
- You are afraid of being judged for how old you are, even though you can’t help it – life and time make us one year older each year
- Accepting that you are closer to death because of your age makes you scared because there are things you haven’t resolved or made peace with in life yet
Having a problem with our age and covering it up by saying a younger age shows that we haven’t yet worked through our issues regarding getting older.
But a huge problem is that for women covering up their age with humor is so accepted amongst other women that it’s almost shameful or discouraged to say your real age in front of others!
Suppose you are in a group of women and reveal your real age. In that case, it can make the group feel uncomfortable because it will prompt them to reflect on their real age as well. It’s really quite strange if you think about it.
Shame in Being an Older Woman – Revealing Real Age
Why should we be ashamed of getting older? Perhaps we believe that getting older means we are getting uglier, weaker, and less visible in our society. Or because, on a deeper level, we think that about older people, but realize our own time of reckoning is approaching.
Maybe in your women’s group, age is constantly talked about and judged, locking you in the belief that you can’t age peacefully or gracefully because there are always going to be problems. If that’s the case and you’re stuck in a negative-thinking group, I suggest you find other people.
Systematic Walls Set Up in Society
As women, we need to develop a healthier outlook and relationship with aging. Yet it’s so hard to do that because there are psychological and systemic walls set up at every corner of the world that make it hard for us to do so.
We’re constantly bombarded with beauty messages about the latest procedures to minimize aged features, or we get involved in conversations mentioning how young or how old another woman looks. Or you say your real age in front of a man you’re dating, and he says, “Oh,” and then ghosts you the following day.
Age has become such a sore spot in us women. No wonder it’s hard to reveal how old we are and cover up our real age with humor. It doesn’t feel safe anymore. There is a deep-rooted systematic problem towards women and their age.
A Word on Being 38
I found it very random the senior citizen online joked she was turning 38 on her birthday, because it wasn’t the usual “25.” Coincidentally, I am turning 38 this year and am already dealing with my reactions regarding this age.
Yet I can imagine that if I were a senior citizen, I would desire to be 38. But when you are actually about to turn 38, like me, it’s a different story. When you compare yourself to a 68-year-old woman, for example, you realize how young you really are. But maybe you don’t feel like it, especially if you’ve been through emotional trauma and feel like you aged several years due to that.
Solutions: Let’s Be Proud of Our Age
I suggest we work on resolving our problems about age, so we can make peace with it. The first thing for women to do is to stop covering up their real age with humor.
We can start asking ourselves questions like, ‘What does being this age mean to me? What are the words, connotations, and connections to being this age?’ Get it all out and see what your relationship is with it. Then, try to look at how you can let go of those negative connections and establish a healthy, empowering relationship with age.
As women, we need to create a gentler, safer relationship with aging so we can show other women that there is nothing to be scared or ashamed of.
I am going to practice not being embarrassed or ashamed when I say my age, and I hope you will, too.