Have you ever heard or been involved in a conversation where women use looks to cope with relationship struggles? For example, one woman complains about her relationship struggles and another woman says: “But you’re so pretty!’’ or something along the line regarding looks. Those words may provide temporary reassurance to the woman struggling, but using appearance to repair relationship struggles is quite detrimental to women.
The Assumption That Attractive Women Will Find Love or Good Men
There is an assumption that if you are an attractive (heterosexual) woman, it’s easy to find love or a good man.
On the contrary, sometimes the most attractive women get the most surface-level, narcissistic men. Or, they attract the wrong type of man, or a man who views them as an object that they can take advantage of. ‘’Good-looking’’ women can have terrible luck in love, just like any other woman on this Earth.
There is a term coined as ‘pretty privilege,’ where people who are considered good-looking receive better treatment and opportunities in the world. However, this does not mean that being a pretty woman guarantees a privileged relationship, marriage, etc. Many alluring women on this planet are divorced and/or simply struggling to find a man they can be with.
Women of all Types of Looks Can Find Love
When we as women say things like ‘’but you’re so pretty…you’re going to find someone!’’ We’re setting women up to believe that because of their good looks, they’re going to find a great guy. As if appearance is the most important thing for love, when what matters is who a person is and how they treat others.
Secondly, by using looks as a reason a woman will find someone, we are dismissing the truth that women of ALL appearances can find love.
True love is not dependent on looks. Many people of all types of looks are happy in love. How you look has nothing to do with how fast you’re going to get a guy or find love.
Yes, women may feel threatened if they want a certain man and their friend is ‘’prettier’’ to them, but it’s up to the guy to decide on who he moves forward with – unless you are highly manipulative and he gives in to your wishes! However, we also need to let the man choose us, rather than trying to force it. The relationship must be consensual – both parties must be equally interested in one another.
Unattractive Women and Good-Looking Men
I am sure there are many instances where you’ve caught yourself judging a woman’s appearance and wondering how she got an attractive man.
In society, it’s ok for a good-looking woman to have an average-looking or unattractive man, but when it’s reversed, we as women get triggered.
We may wonder what he sees in her to be with her. Or if there is something more sinister at play, like it’s a fake relationship. Perhaps we even feel jealous. These are all indications that we need to do self-work.
And if you think about it, why are we getting upset about a woman’s appearance and her relationship status? Is that something we want to direct our energy, emotion, and focus to?
Addressing Real Reasons Why a Woman Can’t Find Love
‘’But you’re so gorgeous – any man would want you!’’ When someone says this, they are trying to provide reassurance that love is possible because of a woman’s beauty.
However, keep in mind that the feeling of relief one experiences after hearing someone say this is temporary and does not address the underlying issues that may make it challenging for a woman to find love.
Many women struggle to look within and reflect on past relationships to learn from them.
For example, a woman realizes she always breaks up first with a man the moment she feels the relationship is getting too complicated. She remembers how, at 14, her first love broke up with her and decided never to feel that pain again. So every time a relationship hits a rough patch, she breaks up with the guy, sparing herself this pain.
You can see that if this woman works through the original pain of that first breakup, she wouldn’t so easily give up on the men she’s been with, and would be able to learn a lot from that pain. Maybe one of those men she broke up with was someone she could have lived a long life with had she gone through painful experiences with him.
However, being honest with friends and telling them why you think they’re struggling in relationships is challenging. Telling the truth could jeopardize the relationship, which makes you wonder if the friendship was set up to protect certain behaviors and beliefs in the first place.
Yes, it’s hard to find people and friends who genuinely like you and are genuinely there for you in life. That’s why it’s crucial to have a healthy relationship with yourself first, and to know yourself, so you don’t need to depend on others to tell you who you are.
Who A Person Is Over Appearance
We must surround ourselves with individuals who see beyond physical appearance and focus more on who a person truly is.
Furthermore, it’s also important we make sure that the moment we catch ourselves treating people differently because of how they look, we stop and change our behavior to something better.
It’s hard to find people and friends who genuinely like you and see beyond appearance. That’s why it’s essential to have a healthy relationship with yourself first and to know yourself, so you don’t need to depend on others to tell you who you are or treat you in a way you disagree with.
Featured photo Photo by Sourajit Hazra